The space in-between
Have you ever had an intense feeling, and acted automatically on that feeling without thinking it through first?
There’s a word for this.
It’s called reacting.
It’s what most of us do unless we slow down and tune into what are emotions are trying to tell us.
The problem with reacting is that you can do a lot of damage to your relationships when you react.
Check in with yourself - what results do you get when you react?
Reacting is a misalignment between where your attention is directed (inward, on how you feel), and what your behavior is (outward, in some reaction).
And it bypasses a really crucial process that, when honed, can allow you to become emotionally agile.
This process is really simple, and yet we aren’t taught this and it doesn’t come naturally.
Step 1 - Notice how you are feeling, maybe even a sensation in your body
Step 2 - Name the emotion. I’m feeling ___________. It’s really important that you don’t say I’m ___________.
When you name the emotion, you create some distance between you and the emotion.
Step 3 - Get curious. Ask yourself, “what does this emotion need me to know?” Or “What unmet need might this emotion be pointing me toward?”
After these 3 steps, now you have information, which is what emotions are designed to provide you with.
Photo by Matteo Badin on Pixels:
And now that you have this information, you have a choice about what to do with it.
It is from this place where you can turn your attention out, and pursue an appropriate course of action.
Maybe you:
Make a request
Hold a boundary (some action you take when your boundary is crossed)
Seek more information - ask the other person a genuinely curious question
And when you respond, you can do so in a way that doesn’t blame the other person, but invites them into deeper connection and in a way that serves both of you.
This is the space in-between an emotion or thought, and some action you take.
And when you hone this ability, you can respond optimally to everyday situations.
If you could use some support developing this ability, you and I should have a conversation.
Love,
Audrey