If you are a human being, you have fallen into the judgment trap.

It’s a trap because we convince ourselves that our judgments are reality, rather than a thought we made up.

You either have a tendency to judge yourself, or you direct your judgment toward others.

Either way, you are judging. These thoughts are mostly unconscious. You don’t even realize you’re having them.

You weren’t always like this. You came into the world as a beautiful newborn who had no concept of judgment.

Over time, judgment was modeled for you, and you learned to judge as a protective mechanism.

Because it is a strategy to keep you safe, it is also a strategy that is rooted in fear.

Judgment transfers feelings of fear, shame, and guilt onto others.

Self-judgment uses feelings of fear, shame, and guilt against yourself.

There are many downsides to judgment.

Judgment drains your energy.

Your thoughts can either energize you or drain you of energy. Judgmental thoughts are draining. They produce feelings of fear, guilt, and shame, which are also draining. Judgmental thoughts keep you from more energizing thoughts that arise when curiosity, empathy, and connection are present.

Judgment impedes curiosity.

Here’s what happens when you move into judgment. You move out of experience and into your mind. You stop taking in objective information and make assumptions based on limited information.

This quickly leads to confirmation bias as you filter for information that will conform your judgment. You don’t inquire further and you don’t go deeper. You massively limit your ability to see possibility.

Judgment severs connection.

When we judge, we create distance between us and the thing or person we are judging. We shut down any possibility of connection, intimacy, and belonging. Whether you judge yourself or others, people around you can feel your judgment. Judgment ruins relationships.

When you judge yourself, you lose connection to your true self. Your false self takes the stage and keeps you from exercising healthy self-leadership.

Want to take steps to loosen the hold judgment has on you?

1. Get out of your head and into your body.

Since your judgments are simply thoughts, you have to move out of your mind. Doing grounding exercises using the five senses will help you get into your body. Then you can take a deep breath, and choose your next thought. Don’t let judgment be the default.

2. Create distance between you and your thoughts.

Recognizing that judgments are thoughts allow you to distance yourself from them. They aren’t you, they’re just thoughts you have. Creating distance between you and your thoughts loosens their grip on you.

3. Cultivate curiosity.

When you notice that judgy thought showing up again, try to go deeper. Get curious. Ask a question. Then ask another one. Make a game out of it. Judgment shuts down curiosity. Curiosity, in turn, weakens judgment.

4. Develop empathy.

Empathy can be an antidote to judging others. Empathy seeks to understand. Judgment assumes you already know. Empathy can look like self-compassion, and it can also help you understand someone else’s feelings.

5. Practice gratitude.

Gratitude isn’t a feeling, it’s a practice. As you look for reasons to be grateful, you begin to hone your filter for this. It is the opposite effect of the confirmation bias that judgment induces.

Judgment is part of the human condition. But it doesn’t have to run the show.

What area in your life or business needs you to step into self-leadership and ease up on the judgment?

Love,

Audrey