Competing commitments

Have you ever set a goal or started a new habit, only to find you lack follow-through to make it happen?

The status quo can be comfortable.

Although you say you want to leave your job, or improve your health, or go to bed earlier, you don’t take action.

Although comfort is a real contender, there is something deeper going on.

You likely have competing commitments that keep you from moving forward with your new commitment.

Competing commitments are powerful, because they often go unspoken and unnoticed, yet they are the reason you are where you are.

Photo by Barnabas Davoti

Competing commitments can be fears.

Fear of change.

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of success.

Fear of failure.

Fears are often irrational. But they are powerful. And they keep us from making a change.

Competing commitments can be beliefs you don’t even know you have.

I once worked with a client who had too many commitments. She knew she needed to scale back in order to bring more focus to her life, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave any of her commitments. We uncovered a deeply held value that in her family, you don’t quit. This was a competing commitment that was stronger than her desire to have more space in her life.

Competing commitments can also look like self-sabatoge. I had a friend who got his heart broken in his twenties. He found a way to end every relationship he’s had since then, because he has a competing commitment to never be that vulnerable again.

You may have internal commitments that you have never voiced, but they are keeping you from making a change or taking action. They may sound like:

“I’ll never let that happen to me again.”

“I can’t take a risk because it’s too dangerous.”

“I’m not worth (whatever bold action would cause you to take a stand).”

“If I hold this boundary (that’s good for me), I may let (someone) down.”

“If I stand up for what I believe in, I’ll be rejected.”

“If I slow down, I’ll actually have to deal with what I’ve been avoiding.”

“If I succeed, I might outshine my family.”

“If I get that promotion, work will be more of a burden than I can handle.”

Competing commitments can be desires.

You may desire stability, freedom, or time to yourself. Whatever it is you want may compete with the change or action you are considering. Sometimes these can be turned into win-win scenarios (keeping the full-time job with benefits AND starting a side business), and sometimes you need to choose between two desires. Being really clear with what you want is an extremely liberating process. And it allows you to be move forward with your commitments unapologetically.

What is it that you want? And what is keeping you from going for it?

I’d love to know.

Love,

Audrey