I’ve got a feeling…

When you are a high performer, you have a track record of success behind you. You know what it takes to execute and you stay focused on creating the desired outcome. 

In the world of work, you may not think much about your emotions. They seem so “soft,” when performance, outcomes, metrics, and impact are the focus of our leaders and our organizations. 

But have we underestimated emotions? See if any of the ways we ignore our emotions sounds familiar.

1. Denial

We can pretend that we aren’t impacted by our emotions, that we can just push through and stay on course no matter how we feel. We deceive ourselves that we aren’t impacted by emotions because we’re “thinking” and staying in our heads with a situation. 

2. Judgment

Have you ever felt sad or upset about something, and then judged yourself for feeling sad or upset? (Hint, if you’ve ever said, “I shouldn’t ….” then you have likely judged yourself for feeling a certain emotion).

3. Mistrust

Perhaps you’ve been programmed your whole life that you can’t trust your emotions, so when they show up, you push them aside because you’ve been told that they can’t be trusted.

4. Fear

Emotions can feel big and overwhelming. We fear that they might consume us, or we will stay stuck in them, so we push them aside and soldier on. 

I put it to you that emotions are like the indicator lights on the dashboard of a car. They have meaning and purpose in life, and yes, even at work.

Photo by Nick Fewings

If we listen to our emotions, we will learn that they have very important messages to tell us. See what the below emotions are pointing us to.

Sad - when we feel sad, we are actually grieving. We have a sense for the way things could be or could have been. It is actually a sign of the divine at work in us pointing to something greater. When we grieve, we experience a sense of loss for the way things could have been. It reminds us of all that is good and beautiful in life. And so we grieve the loss of that.

Excited - when we feel excited, our heart races, our breathing quickens, we may experience a tightness in our chest, and blood rushes through our body. Interestingly the same physiological response happens when we are scared, but the story we have attached to it is different. Excitement points us toward something we desire. (So does fear by the way, unless you are in physical danger).

Angry - when we feel angry, one of two things can be happening. We can have a sense that an injustice has occurred. That kind of anger can motivate us to work toward justice. The other thing that can be happening is that we have a sense that we are not in control, and for some of us that like to be in control, it can be scary and we can bypass fear and go straight to anger. This kind of anger can be used in relationships to try to regain a sense of control. This kind of anger is not as noble as the first, and can produce fear in the other person in the relationship.

Peaceful - when we feel peaceful, that is a barometer that we are humming along and in the right place. Feeling peaceful is not to be confused with complacency or apathy. Feeling peaceful points to alignment within your life.

Can you see how our emotions are indicator lights, trying to relay important information that can inform our next steps and our way forward?

If you still aren’t ready to embrace emotions, here’s an intermediate step for you:

Pay attention to feelings. Wait, what’s the difference between a feeling and an emotion?

Glad you asked. Emotions are body sensations (feelings) with a story attached to them. Go back to excitement – the same body sensations in excitement are present in fear. The only difference is the story you attach to it. 

You can pay attention to feelings by identifying where in your body you have a physical sensation. 

Perhaps a tightening or pressure. Focus your attention on it while you take several deep breaths. Does it have a size or shape? If it were a color, what color would it be? Where does it begin and end?

And now for the most important question: what do you think it needs from you?

Listen deeply. What you hear next will be wisdom speaking. Greater wisdom than can even come from your thinking. 

You can try this at home, at work, or the next time your mother-in-law calls. You might just have a breakthrough in an area where you have been stuck for years or even decades.

What feelings or emotions have you been ignoring, and what might they be trying to tell you?