The power of integration

I have recently had conversations with folks who are facing challenging and hard situations. Loss of a loved one, processing a traumatic event, caring for an aging parent, caring for a child with special needs.

They are holding feelings of loss, grief, struggle, shame, exhaustion. 

I have also coached individuals who have experienced lay-offs, worked in toxic environments, endured jobs that drain their energy, struggled to set boundaries, and faced various kinds of grief.

And here’s what I know to be true: you aren’t defined by the worst thing that has happened to you.

Far from it. In fact, if you create space for it, that negative experience can become part of what makes you powerful.

It sounds counter-intuitive.

You aren’t limited by the challenges you face in life. 

As Nelson Mandela said, “I never lose. I either win or learn.”

If you are willing to consider it, you can always find a gift in a negative experience. 

Transcend and Include

Ken Wilber coined the phrase, “transcend and include.”

You can transcend the limitations of a negative experience, and include the gift that results as you move forward.

The gift may be something you learn and bring with you.

It may be a conviction you hold that fuels a new mission in life.

It may be a deeper capacity you have for connecting with others in situations they are facing.

A created life finds a way to integrate all of life’s experiences to create more power for what’s next.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop

Two things are true

Your ability to hold space for two seemingly competing truths will allow you to increase your innovation, creativity, and yes, your power.

It is the power of paradox. Here are some examples:

• Being laid-off feels like a rejection, AND you bring with you all of your skills and experiences and your personal career throughline to what’s next. No one can take that away from you.

• You felt different as a child, AND your unique way of seeing the world has caused you to thrive.

• Setting boundaries for yourself feels like you are letting others down, AND you know that the right self-care will keep you working at your best.

• Cancer is a terrible disease, AND you can support others going through it because of your own experience.

What paradoxical truths emerge for you at this phase of life?

How will you embrace and integrate them to create more power in your life?

I’d love to hear.

Love,

Audrey