The power of one
Think about a relationship that feels tricky to you.
Maybe something is off, or you’re in a pattern that doesn’t feel good.
Maybe you’re even blaming the other person for the way things are.
It’s easy to feel stuck and powerless to change the relationship.
What’s not easy is to take radical responsibility for changing the relationship.
What if I told you it only takes one person to completely shift a relational dynamic?
The power of one.
If you decide to show up differently, you can shift things. You can begin to create a new dynamic.
Don’t believe me? Let’s get practical.
What’s one observation you have about the other person’s behavior that bugs you? Write it down.
Based on that observation, what story are you making up about why they behave that way?
Chances are, your story is wrong. Without asking them (which is an option but not necessary), assume that they have a need that is not being met by the status quo of the relationship. If you could work up to a most generous interpretation, what need would you guess they have that isn’t being met? Write it down.
In neutral moments that aren’t high stakes between you, begin relating to them in a way that might begin to meet their need. Do they need assurance? Do they need trust? Do they need to be kept in the loop? Signal to them that you want to meet that need. Do this proactively. By doing this, you should be making them feel safe and seen.
Begin to make #4 a new pattern of relating.
Watch the behavior from #1 change or even stop altogether.
Relationships are about two people getting their needs met.
You may decide the relationship is no longer viable, in which case, part ways, by all means.
But for most relationships in our lives, we have so much more power to shift the dynamic to create the relationship we want. One that is positive and mutually fulfilling.
It takes radical responsibility and not waiting for the other person to change.
It takes stepping out of the story you’re telling yourself.
It takes being willing to experiment and try new things.
What’s a relationship in your life where you know you need to start showing up differently?
Love,
Audrey
