If you want to increase your impact, there are 3 things you need to focus on:

1. Changing your relationships

2. Changing your definitions

3. Changing your stories

Change your relationships.

We all have a relationship with certain emotions. I recently wrote an article that defines emotions as feelings with a story attached to them. Consider the emotions below and the feelings they produce in your body, as well as the story you attach to them.

1. Change your relationship with fear. 

You might let fear keep you from trying new things or keep you from taking action that would propel you forward. The physiological response we feel with fear is meant to help us survive, but it certainly doesn’t help us thrive. 

Why let fear stop you? If you change your relationship with fear, rather than letting it stop you, you can embrace it as a sign that you’re headed in the right direction. 

2. Change your relationship with desire.

Think about your cultural conditioning around desire. Especially for the women out there. If we’re honest, we are taught that desire is bad, and we need to ignore it and push it away. Society says desire gets in the way of hard work, fulfilling our obligations, and, frankly, being kept in the small little box that makes others feel secure. 

You weren’t made to live a small life. 

If you change your relationship with desire, you might realize that it is a healthy and glorious part of being human and it can point us in the direction of fulfilling our purpose in life. 

Too many of us stopped listening to desire decades ago. Time to rebuild that muscle. Start by making a list of 100 things you want. It’s harder than it might seem. Go.

3. Change your relationship with gratitude.

Most of us think that gratitude is something we feel after something good happens. That’s a passive approach to gratitude.

Gratitude is a choice. We choose to be grateful because we know it is an instant mood shifter and moves us from blah to possibility. Develop a daily practice of gratitude and watch your outlook on life transform.

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Change your definitions.

Definitions can really trip us up. We tend to think we have to accept society’s definition of certain things and then we wonder why we are so unhappy. Cheer up. Start changing your definitions and you will have renewed zest.

1. Change your definition of success.

When we think of conventional success, we think of wealth, fame, lavish vacations, and possessing luxury items. How would you complete this sentence? You know you’ve made it when….

What if you could redefine success? What if success was having the leisure time you want to spend with the people you love, knowing that your contribution has had an impact, or being at deep peace with yourself and others? Who gets to define success? You do. What does success mean for you?

2. Change your definition of failure. 

We are taught to avoid failure, as if failure is some sort of end game. To see failure as a defeat is part of a finite mindset.

But play the long game and have an infinite mindset, and failure brings you that much closer to success. You can embrace failure knowing it is part of the journey. Failure isn’t a sign of defeat, it’s a sign you are learning and growing.

3. Change your definition of conflict.

Most of us tend to be conflict avoidant and have a deep rooted fear of upsetting others. 

Conflict can be a chance to advocate for yourself and your needs and help you set boundaries. It can be an opportunity to bring to light truths you have kept hidden. It can also help build an even stronger relationship by not sweeping things under the rug but handling them in the moment. It can strengthen your communication skills. 

Conflict can produce new ideas, solve continuous problems, provide an opportunity for people and teams to expand their skills, and foster creativity. 

Change your definition of conflict from something to be avoided to something to be embraced.

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Change your stories.

We all have stories around money, time, and work that keep us stuck. Change your stories, and your life will transform.

1. Change your story around money.

What messages did you hear from your family of origin about money? These are common stories:

• Things would be better if I had more money.

• Money is bad.

• I don't deserve money.

• I deserve to spend money on myself.

• There will never be enough money.

• I will always have enough money.

• Money is not important.

• Money is what gives my life meaning.

• You should never talk about money.

• If you are a good person, you shouldn't care about money.

These are money scripts–rules about money you subconsciously follow.

It’s never about the money. It’s always about the story you (or your family) have about money.

Money is neutral. It is a tool. What story do you want to create around money?

2. Change your story around time.

How many times have you said, “I don’t have enough time,” or some version of that? You are living out of a story you have around time. It impacts your ability to prioritize, because you actually believe you can’t control how you spend your time. 

You do control how you spend your time. Whether conscious or not, you decide how you will spend every moment of the day. 

You also control your perception of time. This might be the most important time management tool available to you.

Want to make time expand? Cultivate simple emotions like awe, and even employ counterintuitive measures like spending time doing tasks for someone else (i.e. helping a neighbor), and watch your life move from time famine to time affluence.

3. Change your story around work.

If work is draining to you, you might have a story that work is supposed to be hard. 

What would you like your story around work to be? Do you want work to be joyful, energizing, and fun? Start living into those aspirations (and take the appropriate action) and watch your work life transform.

Love,

Audrey