Uncovering the hidden obstacle to change

Ever set a goal or try to build a new habit, only to find yourself stuck in the same place? You’re not alone.

Staying where you are often feels easier than stepping into the unknown.

Even when you dream of leaving your job, improving your health, or getting more sleep, you might find yourself unable to act.

Why?

The answer often lies beneath the surface: competing commitments. These subconscious forces quietly keep you tethered to your current reality, even as you might yearn for change.

What Are Competing Commitments?

Competing commitments are the invisible barriers that hold you back from making a desired change or working toward a goal.

They operate in the background, shaping your choices without you even realizing it.

These hidden tensions can prevent you from aligning your actions with your intentions.

How Competing Commitments Show Up

1. Fear-Based Resistance

Fear is one of the most common forms of competing commitments. It might look like:

• A fear of stepping into uncharted territory.

• Worry about failing or even succeeding.

• Anxiety about what change might demand of you.

These fears, though often irrational, can feel incredibly real. T

hey act as a protective mechanism, urging you to stay in familiar territory.

2. Deeply Ingrained Beliefs

Sometimes, competing commitments stem from values or beliefs you have internalized over time.

One of my clients faced this exact challenge. She was juggling too many responsibilities and knew she needed to let go of some commitments. But she couldn’t bring herself to take that step. Why? She’d grown up with the belief that quitting was unacceptable. That unspoken rule was more powerful than her desire for balance.

3. Patterns of Self-Sabotage

Old wounds can also create competing commitments. I knew someone who had a painful breakup in his twenties. Ever since, he’d unconsciously sabotaged his relationships, ensuring he never risked that level of vulnerability again.

Identifying the Barriers Within

Competing commitments often take the form of unspoken rules or narratives you tell yourself. These might sound like:

• “I can’t afford to take that risk.”

• “If I set boundaries, I’ll let people down.”

• “Being successful might distance me from my loved ones.”

• “If I slow down, I’ll have to face emotions I’ve been avoiding.”

These inner dialogues are powerful.

They’re like unacknowledged contracts you have made with yourself—contracts that prioritize safety over progress.

When Desires Conflict

Not all competing commitments are rooted in fear.

Sometimes, they’re born from clashing priorities.

You might crave security while also longing for freedom. Or you want to prioritize family but also pursue ambitious career goals.

The key is to clarify what truly matters most. Once you identify your core priorities, you can:

• Seek creative solutions that honor multiple desires (like launching a side business while keeping your stable job).

• Make intentional trade-offs, knowing you’re choosing what aligns best with your values.

This process of self-discovery can be transformative, helping you move forward with confidence and purpose.

What’s Holding You Back?

Take a moment to reflect: What’s one area where you feel stuck? What might be keeping you from taking the next step?

Awareness is the first step to breaking free from competing commitments. Once you name what’s holding you back, you can begin to address it and move forward.

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What is a change you’re grappling with? And how might a competing commitment be getting in your way?

Love,

Audrey