What gets in the way of possibility thinking?

Last week, I wrote about what possibility thinking is. But we can find ourselves in moments where possibility thinking seems out of reach for us. We can feel stuck, unmotivated, even negative. How does this happen? What gets in the way of possibility thinking? 

Over millennia, humans have been wired to survive. Our species adapted to avoid the threats posed by lions and bears with the fight, flight, or freeze response. So today, our brains are quite adept at survival, and anything that is even perceived as a threat signals to the brain to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn. This activity occurs in the amygdala region of the brain. Neuroscientist, Dr. Dan Siegel, calls this our reptilian brain, because it is distinct from the prefrontal cortex which is our logical, reasoning brain. 

The only problem is, most perceived threats in the modern world rarely mean our lives are in danger. However our brains cannot distinguish between real threats and perceived threats, and the same neural pathways are triggered when we encounter a perceived threat as if we were encountering a lion. We revert to survival mode, where our amygdala is activated, and our prefrontal cortex goes off-line. Any stressful event can send us into survival mode.

Shirzad Chamine, in his book, Positive Intelligence, defines ten saboteurs that hijack or sabotage our ability to think in possibility, or as he calls it, our sage. 

The ten saboteurs he defines are:

The Judge

The Judge is the universal Saboteur that afflicts everyone. It is the one that beats you up repeatedly over mistakes or shortcomings, warns you obsessively about future risks, wakes you up in the middle of the night worrying, gets you fixated on what is wrong with others or your life, etc. Your Judge activates your other Saboteurs, causes much of your stress and unhappiness, reduces your effectiveness, and harms your relationships.

The Judge works with one or more Accomplice Saboteurs to hijack your mind and cause most of your setbacks. See if any of these sound familiar.

Avoider

Focusing on the positive and pleasant in an extreme way. Avoiding difficult and unpleasant tasks and conflicts.

Controller

Anxiety-based need to take charge and control situations and people’s actions to one’s own will. High anxiety and impatience when that is not possible.

Hyper-Achiever

Dependent on constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation. Latest achievement quickly discounted, needing more.

Hyper-Rational

Intense and exclusive focus on the rational processing of everything, including relationships. Can be perceived as uncaring, unfeeling, or intellectually arrogant.

Hyper-Vigilant

Continuous intense anxiety about all the dangers and what could go wrong. Vigilance that can never rest.

Pleaser

Indirectly tries to gain acceptance and affection by helping, pleasing, rescuing, or flattering others. Loses sight of own needs and becomes resentful as a result.

Restless

Restless, constantly in search of greater excitement in the next activity or constant busyness. Rarely at peace or content with the current activity.

Stickler

Perfectionism and a need for order and organization taken too far.  Anxious trying to make too many things perfect.

Victim

Emotional and temperamental as a way to gain attention and affection. An extreme focus on internal feelings, particularly painful ones. Martyr streak.

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Chances are, one or more of these saboteurs are present in your daily life. We developed them early in life in order to survive childhood, and while they served us then, they don’t serve us as adults. The saboteurs hijack your thinking and keep you from seeing other possibilities. They cloud your vision and keep you stuck in old patterns that don’t serve you in your current situation.

If you have a jar of murky water, and you let the water settle, it will become clear. The mind works the same way. If you allow your mind to settle, it will become clear, and your next thought will likely be one of possibility. 

We need to retrain our brains to move out of survival mode when the threat is perceived and not real, and into our pre-frontal cortex, where we can see possibility.

The best way I have found to do this is by becoming present in the current moment through grounding exercises that use your five senses–taste, touch, sight, hearing, smell–and your breath to bring your attention back to the present moment you occupy.

Try it. The next time you catch yourself judging yourself, others, or a situation, let that thought go and focus on one of your 5 senses or take a deep breath and release it, and then wait for your next thought to come. And if you need a prompt, ask yourself, “where is possibility here that I couldn’t previously see?”